Sometimes, I think that… when people share a space with me… surround themselves around me… that I serve as a sort of reminder to them… something… that I trigger something within them.
And I wonder if you’ve addressed it yet.
- 5 days ago
They take [away].
You are not indebted to me.
Just remember that my energy is real.
I am drained.
This is my survival.
It is not enough.
- 5 days ago
- I’ve encountered OFWs as guests during work.
- An acquaintance of mine pretended to understand my activist work and was called out, by myself, after the continued synonymization of “people of color” with “colored people.”
- A guest asked me, “What line is that for?” I responded, “It’s for ‘guests with disabilities’ as well as ‘single riders.’” Said guest replied, “They are not disabled.” After the guest walked away, a coworker of mine asked what had happened. Said coworker immediately responded, “Not all disabilities are visible!”
- I hate sizeist statements. I take it as a personal offense when others comment on the size of guests, especially with fat-phobic remarks.
- People are demanding. Rarely ever is there reciprocity in the work that I do. It is absolutely draining — the performance of happiness, the desensitization of triggers, the lacking of a system of support…
I don’t have time for self-care.
- 5 days ago
I’ve been craving a night out in The Castro, WeHo, or Hillcrest. Gimme one of ‘em, please.
Cypher at the Esplanade between Disneyland Park and Disney California Adventure? Where my b-boys and my b-girls at?
Who I am is still deeply grounded in both women of color feminism and queer of color critique, but damn these internal and external processes. I’m all kinds of fucked up despite complex personhood. Let me tell you about negotiation… in this world…
Kristoff from Frozen is voiced by Jonathan Groff. Disney might as well make this into a screen-to-stage musical.
The University of Minnesota Press reported the death of Jose Esteban Munoz. In continuing to think through his work, I could not for the life of me distinguish this news as an actual death — defined by the state — of a subject of sorts or an uncharted, theoretically reflective act of resistance.
I am weird enough to be relevant in your life, I think.
This cold weather though…
- 6 days ago
You have the least bit of knowledge about me.
I live paycheck to paycheck. I cannot budget alcoholic beverages on a weekly basis, let alone spend time and energy surrounded by people in an overwhelming space - especially considering the amount of performance I am involved in at a work environment like mine. It’s anxiety-inducing, and if at the end of the day, I don’t feel like being around people, then that is okay. Fuck you.
I am burnt out. It must be a privilege to work in an environment where a [working] system of support exists, but I do not have that. I don’t think I am smarter than everybody here. However, does it hurt to empathize? Yes. Enough is enough. I haven’t questioned the root of my voice in awhile.
I remember. Nice is different than good. What’s the point in being right? In everything I do, I audition.
I did not come here with many things, and I can’t afford to buy many more. So, if I’m paying for the damn gas bill, then I will sure as hell use the fucking heater. Do not tell me to put on more clothes when I don’t have any. You’ve got a closet full. Maybe you could use less. Shit.
No one empathizes. I don’t even know if I do anymore. At the end of the day, I don’t get to choose the people I interact with. I would like to think that this is building something good within me. I’m not bitter. I’m just a different kind of tired.
- 1 week ago
Three (3) Things:
- Your karma is yours.
- I need a day off, and I need a drink.
- Let the answer be yes.
- 1 week ago
Dialogues with the Self, the Other, and the Universe
The other day, I explained “radical intimacy” as this sort of reading process where the consciousness of a palimpsestic text was not reading between the lines but reading the footnotes or the endnotes that were attached to each superscript notation at the end of every sentence, that these references and these extensions are what assembled boundaries, and that all of this dissipated at any given moment.
- 3 weeks ago