"I love kissing. If I could kiss all day, I would. I can’t stop thinking about kissing. I like kissing more than sex because there’s no end to it. You can kiss forever. You can kiss yourself into oblivion. You can kiss all over the body. You can kiss yourself to sleep. And when you wake up, you can’t stop thinking about kissing. Dammit, I can’t get anything done because I’m so busy thinking about kissing. Kissing is madness! But it’s absolute paradise, if you can find a good kisser."
- 4 days ago
I like him, but I don’t know.
It’s on and off. Maybe it’s wrong timing. *Shrugs.* It is what it is. I want to let it do what it do, but I seem to be stressing out about it. I want to have control over it when maybe I should let it be in its own flux, ebb and flow. I need to calm the fuck down. Sigh.
- 6 days ago
Nobody could have prepared me for life after college. A lecture, a caucus, a general body meeting, a workshop, or what have you that might have been offered to me during my undergraduate years could not have helped me formulate a process to navigate how life has assembled after graduation.
Maybe I’m saying all of this because I’m finding it difficult to build a community. Maybe I’m saying all of this because nostalgia is a form of home that I could never, well, come home to… that intersection… who we were at that place, time, and energy… and I never thought of recreating those spaces.
People seemed to have supported me in college, but now is when I actually feel supported by people, despite how different our lives are in terms of location, life goals, etc. I need to keep this all up, and I need to keep you all up.
The projects that I thought were geared towards my personal growth in college all seemed to be misguided, and I’m not saying they weren’t essential to my learning because they were, indeed, some sort of stepping stone. However, the way in which I approached them, even in some sort of practicum setting, seemed too unreal. Having to re-learn everything I learned in college in a way that makes living outside of academia understandable and accessible and just as complex and complicated was a process that I needed to perform for myself in order to make tangible changes in my life, and in the lives of others, that are survivable if not liveable.
I don’t want this entry to go towards one of those “man in the mirror” messages, but what can I say? The universe is in me, and if you refuse to see the universe in others, what is it that you see in them that you have refused to see in yourself. Eww.
I forgot where I was going with this. I’m gonna sleep. My legs hurt.
- 1 week ago
you’ll have to be careful,
will spoil you
after me, all else will taste
- 1 week ago
it is so important to stay hydrated so u are prepared to cry at all times
- 2 weeks ago
Since I’ve been here, I’ve learned how to say “no” to people, I’ve learned how to be stern about the boundaries and the expectations of safety, and I’ve learned how to connect with people who want to connect to me. So, why can’t I apply this to my life outside of work? I think it might be because this environment, in all of its reality, (HAH!), produces and reproduces the same thing over and over again. It has a core.
Do I have one of those? I mean, my impermanent states of being, these ever changing intersections, do not make my overall life insignificant. Having a core doesn’t make life easier to navigate or make life less complicated even. But I am trying to think up of a way to be more connected and more involved about what I’m doing and how all of that makes me… well… me, (How trite!), without… you know… being so permanent. I have core stuff I need to detail.
I’ve been holding the universe lately. I’ve been the traffic, the ebb and flow, the flux if you will. There are truths in body that need to be presented. Hold tight. You will feel them. They matter. They will surface. We will breathe.
- 3 weeks ago
Earlier this evening, a friend of mine made a comment to a white male coworker of ours. My friend said, “I thought you were older. I guess you are mature for your age.”
And in my head, I thought to myself, “No. Not at all. It’s because white males have power. Yes, the privilege of it all. And they’re exercising that power, whether or not they are aware of this set of advantages.”
- 3 weeks ago
when I commit to a person, I FUCKING COMMIT. if their depression, anxiety or life comes knocking, you bet your ass i’m at the door with a double sided axe waiting for a good fight.
you cant expect people, to always be happy, even if they are in love. because life doesn’t stop for anyone. But you can be there for the good fight.
- 3 weeks ago
Lunch Box, The Packing and Unpacking of
Waking up early to take care of myself reminds me of how my mother used to wake up early just to take cafe of us. She’d pack us lunch and even make us breakfast, though I usually didn’t eat in the mornings. Now, I do. I think I’m thinking about how my mother organized her energy. *Nods.*
I recall having a conversation with a friend about how the food I didn’t like during my childhood is the food I now like in my adulthood. I’ve definitely learned how to respect it.
I suppose I’ve been a looking back at my upbringing and my life that happened around school. I just started paying back student loans with money I have and don’t have. So, I feel like I should relearn things with each payment to make sure I received the critical lessons that I might have missed while focusing on school.
I’m getting ready for work.
- 4 weeks ago