Happy Half Birthday to Me.

Why yes, I turn 20 1/2 today. I wonder how that makes me feel, if I should be feeling something.

I’m definitely feeling something, all right. It’s that… I don’t know how to feel about it. If you asked me, I’m scared. At the same time, I’m always hopeful. Sometimes, I refuse to admit that this fear is healthy. No matter how small of a dosage it is, I can still feel the side effects.

What’s up with me? Something came up, and I have no clue if it’s of any relevance. I dislike being out of it. This evening’s workout was quite short. There was too much on my mind. I’m about to shower. Minutes ago, I was cutting my nails. I ended up cutting a little too much on both of my big toes. The left bled more than the right. I wonder if that means anything. I wonder if you’re just imagining a bloody toe. I abhor the thought of an ingrown toenail. This doesn’t gross me out.

I feel weary as well as a tad bit anxious. I refuse to let it take over me. I want to know if it’s true - not the exchange of words, but the stemming of every action. Every second, vulnerability.

Counts. Adds up.